


Of Wounded Minds and Souls

by shairan



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Bullying, Depression, Eating Disorders, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Past Sexual Abuse, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-27
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-23 15:47:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8333341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shairan/pseuds/shairan
Summary: One purges his feelings, the other etches them on his skin. One still has hope, the other doesn't have anymore. But then, destiny played its role and intertwined their fates.





	1. Dusk

**Author's Note:**

> beta-read by [ Mirae00](http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/1342620).
> 
> crossposted on aff, as usual.
> 
> dedicated to skail. ily.

_"The obscure we see eventually. The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer." - Edward R.Murrow_

___________________

 

In this month of May, the mornings usually begin with a strong breeze that spreads a sweet, flowery scent some people cherish. The cherry blossoms were already blossoming and a few branches swung with the wind, making their soft pink flowers fall to the ground.

A beautiful cat was walking on the carpet, making its way through a large house, his paws making quiet noises against the floor. The animal, now climbing the stairs, had green eyes and caramel-colored fur. It finally pushed the door located near the end of the corridor ajar and gracefully jumped onto the king-sized bed of the large bedroom.

A sneeze cut the comfortable silence that filled the room.

“Citrus,” a young man sighed. “I've told you countless times to stop coming in here after your little trips outside.”  
  
The man released another sneeze he was holding back.

A few pieces of pollen were visible on the abundant fur of the cat. It only meowed back, clearly showing his desire to stay despite the fact that his owner had hay fever.  
Said owner had silky brown short hair, fair and clear skin and sharp features, though his cheekbones were barely visible. He checked if his luggage contained all of his affairs as he sat on the edge of the bed. The cat moved right into his lap, meowing under the caress he was being given.

“I'll miss you too.” A sweet but sad smile stretched the young man's lips. “I'll be back really soon, okay?” he assured.

He sneezed again. Bloody pollen.

A few hurried steps were audible and he already knew who it was.

“Minghao!” someone said in a Chinese dialect, opening the door. “Your driver is here. You need to go.”

“Okay. Don't put on such a serious face, Jun.” Minghao lightly chuckled.  
 

Junhui has always been his butler. Although the latter never revealed his age, he was for sure a relatively young one, surely in his twenties, breaking the stereotype of the old man butler.  
He had beautiful features such as tanned, clean skin along with brown eyes gracefully stretched. As expected from a butler, he was wearing a nice jumpsuit that perfectly fit his thin frame.

Minghao didn't particularly care about the employee's clothes, but his father was conventional when it came to these things.

He can't recall a single day spent in the mansion without Junhui's presence. Because of that, Junhui had become more than a simple butler for Minghao over time. He was, in a certain way, the boy's confidant.

“You don't really seem stressed.” Jun said pointedly.

“Maybe because I'm not? I know why I'm going there.” Minghao responded. “I'm gonna be okay.”

“Are you sure ?” the butler asked with a knowing look.

“I am, I'm just going to keep to myself. That's something I'm used to.” the brown-haired man stated.

“You should have accepted to-”

“You already know my response. It's a no.” Minghao cut him off.

Junhui sighed, not really willing to argue this. Again.

Minghao ignored it and checked his luggage one last time before zipping it up. He walked towards his closet and pulled on a parka despite the cool weather. He was cold and his hands were freezing even with this black hoodie.

The young man hurriedly took his bag, after having kissed one last time his precious cat's head, and walked down the stairs, followed by the butler and the cat.

Now in the grand and luxurious entrance of his house, Minghao silently put on his blue Vans.

“Your father told me to pass you his best wishes of recovery. He wanted to say goodbye himself, but he had work that needed to be done.” the butler said in a quiet tone.

“Shocking.” Minghao answered with irritation. “I don't care. Please feed Citrus properly.”

Minghao wasn't very surprised by the boy's answer. The relationship between son and father were rather complicated.

“I will.”

The younger could feel that Junhui wanted to say something else, but he seemingly held it back and slowly walked towards him. Minghao hesitated before taking him into a hug.  
  
Junhui instantly wrapped his arms around the frame that faced him.  
It was quite unusual for them to have this kind of contact, but Minghao needed it. He tried not to show it, but truthfully he was kind of anxious about what he was about to face alone.

After a few minutes, they parted from each other and Minghao turned away without a word, his eyes turning watery. He didn't want to be seen like that and he knew his butler – his confidant -  wouldn't be mad at him for not saying a proper goodbye.

He opened the front door and walked to the Jeep, holding his bag tightly in one hand. One of “his” drivers was waiting for him and Minghao felt a little bad for making him wait. Once he arrived next to the four-by-four, the driver opened the trunk and put the heir's luggage inside.  
 

The young man looked one last time at the front door, catching sight of Junhui waving at him and he waved back before diving into the vehicle.

  
 

************

_Tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu_

_Tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu_

_Tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu_

  
A loud groan echoed in the previously quietbedroom before a large hand slapped on top of the annoying alarm clock.

A whining large frame was slowly emerging from a deep –and good, dammit !- sleep.  
 

Suddenly, someone screamed.

“Mingyu !”

The said Mingyu only groaned louder as a response.

“Mingyu !”  
  
He didn't bother to answer this time.

A mutter was barely audible before the door harshly opened wide.

“Wake up already! It's one pm! You're going to be late,” a feminine voice said with fake annoyance. “I guess you went to sleep at 4 am...again. A giant, big boy like you can't even wake up for himself, unbelievable.”

“There is no such thing as late in there Mom...I still have time to sleep…” Mingyu retorted.

“Just wake up already or I'm eating all the delicious lunch I-”

Mingyu cut her off, jumping out of his bed. It had been far too long since he had eaten one of his mother's succulent meals.

“Okay, now I'm up ! Please wait for me !”

“That's better.” the woman chuckled, as she left.  


Thirty minutes later, Mingyu entered the kitchen, holding a large bag, and seemed to have turned into a brand new man. He was dressed with a simple black shirt, making a few tattoos visible, and blue jeans.  
However, his hair was perfectly done and his tanned skin was literally glowing under the light that the windows reflected; making his mother smile tenderly.

The young man put his bag down and sat in front of her, finding that the food had already been arranged on the table. After breaking his chopsticks, he started to eat.The mother and son ate in an unusual, but comfortable silence, both knowing the reason for the lack of conversation, but neither finding it necessary to break it.

Mingyu finally emptied his plate and took it, along with his mom's, to put them both into the sink. As he started to turn on the faucet, his mother stopped him.

“Leave it, you have to go now.” she said, a sad smile drawn on her lips.

“Mom, I can do it before leaving. It’s fine.” Mingyu retorted.

“It's okay. I don't want you to be late.” she answered, looking at him with tenderness.

An uncomfortable silence settled between them before his mother added,

“Come here.“

Mingyu walked closer to his mom, already aware of what was coming. All of this was so familiar to him.

She pulled him into a tight hug and Mingyu embraced his mom, closing his eyes with guilt.

“Soo Hyun and Hye Ran were ready to stay home just to say goodbye.” A light chuckle escaped her lips. “I had to force them to go to school, they wouldn't stop hiding.” she added quietly.

“I'm sorry,” Mingyu excused after a moment, pure emotion in his voice. “I'm sorry they had to have a brother like me and you, a son like this.”

“Hey.” She pulled away a little and looked straight into his eyes, a few dark hairs grazing her forehead. “They wouldn't have been happier with another big brother. You're funnier and more caring with them than anyone else could be. Your place is here, with us. Never doubt that.” she continued. “The kids they... they really want their brother to get better, even though they don't voice it. They admire him for his strength and his determination, and they're not the only ones. I'm proud of you.”

Mingyu looked at his mom, pain showing in his eyes.

“You're going there for everyone that deeply loves you, but more importantly you’re going there for you. Never forget that. Okay? It's _your_ fight and you can count on us as allies.” she added.

“Yeah.” Mingyu sighed, hugging her another time. “Thank you. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They stayed in this position a few more minutes before pulling apart.

“Wonwoo called. He told me to remind you not to forget to call him as soon as possible so he can annoy you with shitty puns. His words, not mine,” his mother added, slightly smiling.

Mingyu chuckled.

“I'll message him before I get there.”

She nodded. “Do you want me to take you?”

“No, really. It's okay. I'll take the car.”

“Be careful then.” she said.

“I will. You should rest, Mom.”

“Is my skin getting that old already?” she said, jokingly.

“You know what I mean.” he said, a serious tone to his voice.

“Stop worrying about me and start thinking about you.”

“Mom !”

“You know me. I will. Now, go.” She said as she pushed him in fake annoyance. Mingyu half-smiled.

He bent down to take his bag, it was black and large, since Mingyu didn't expect to come home soon, sadly.

He walked towards the entry room, followed by his mother.

He didn't dare saying something more, but only turned one last time before opening the door, trying to smile. His mom smiled back and watched him as he went down the stairs of the apartment block.  
 

***************

  
Minghao was now lying in what would be his bed for, he believed, a very long time.

  
The walls were colored snow white and he could smell a faint, but persistent, odor of disinfectant, mixed with the scent of freshly made plastic.  
Back in his house –that people liked to call a mansion- he could smell flowers and the sweet scent of nature, along with pollen thanks to his already missed cat.  
  
A few hours ago, Minghao had entered the establishment and stayed in the waiting room until it was his turn to have an interview with the psychiatrist. As soon as he saw her, he surprisingly began to relax. Her face had a reassuring expression and her features were soft. They went into a room and then he tried to confess his problem. He was so blind before, constantly closing his eyes to what was wrong.  
 

No one, except the young man himself, knew how and when it started, but it was definitely early.

  
It first started when he suddenly didn't feel as hungry as he would usually feel after a long school day. He began excusing himself when Jun called him to eat to instead go back to his room. He wasn't hungry so why would he come to eat?

He still looked healthy, back then, although his eating habits were not.  
  
However, his mom helped him a lot with that, suspicious about the things that triggered him into this behavior. When he didn't come to eat, she would bring the food to his room –despite his father's disapproval– so he could eat quietly if he wanted to without his father scolding him for not eating sooner. That was his father’s careless way of showing his concern. He wasn't really good when it came to showing his feelings through words.  
 

Minghao sometimes ate, sometimes didn't, but his mother never got angry, which wasn't the case for his father.  
As time passed, his eating habits went back to normal and every employee of the mansion, including Jun thought that this problem was now a part of the past.

 

But they were wrong.

 

When Lady Xiao died, everything changed.

 

Eating was hard without his mom there to be his anchor. It’s not that he hated his father, but his mom was clearly more present for him than his father had ever been, although the latter deeply loved his son.

The young heir's health crashed down and Jun watched his fall with helpless eyes.

After years of struggling, Minghao finally admitted that thinking constantly about his weight and purging almost all of his meals wasn't healthy, when his hair started to fall out every day and his body was constantly cold. When he started to vomit blood.

He finally admitted that he needed help, a help that he barely found in his palace. He knew a few people still envied him because of his financial situation, but what people tended to forget was that money isn't everything: health is.  
  
His dad barely noticed his difficulty with eating properly. When the employees sometimes tried to have a quick word with him about this, but he was either somehow blind or ignored it, surely thinking it was a "caprice" of a rich boy.  
  
People died everyday from hunger. He had plenty of food only for him and he wasn't eating ?

_What kind of behavior is this?_ his father had said, looking at him with severity.  
  
Minghao would never answer back to his dad. His upbringing didn't allow him to. Besides, it wouldn't change anything anyway.  
  
It had been difficult to talk to the professional about all of this and he barely said half of the things he was supposed to tell her, but she was competent and skilled. She understood well that he couldn't relay all of his burden to her in one meeting. It would take time and after all, this is what he was here for. For help. He had to get back to eating normally, like young adults were supposed to at his age. He couldn’t even recall the last time he had a proper meal.  
 

He obviously wasn't the only patient in the place. The psychiatrist had told him that there were five other young adults here with various problems that needed to be resolved. He hadn’t seen them yet though since he had been busy all day talking with her about what his schedule would be from now on, touring the whole establishment, and even sleeping a bit. He hadn't slept at all the night before because of the stress.  
  
To welcome him on his first day, the nurses offered to give him his meal in his room since they knew about his condition and didn't want him to get annoyed in front of the other patients on his first day in the service.  
  
He accepted, a little embarrassed though as he still didn't manage to eat all of his food. At least, he didn't purge at midday or at night. Partially because he didn't feel the need to, but mostly because he got paranoid about whether people could hear him throwing up so he decided not to take any risks.  
 

Lights out was two hours ago. He was tired, but hungry now too and if there was one thing Minghao wanted to do, it was to binge.  
  
Trying to stop thinking about food, he started to focus on what was awaiting him the next day and anxiety made its way into his stomach. He would have to meet with the other patients tomorrow. Since he didn't present himself today, he had to do it the next day. He wasn't really fond of introductions, but the psychiatrist assured him saying his name would be enough.  
  
_You're gonna be okay. It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay._  
  
He kept repeating this mantra in his head, closing his eyes and trying to dream about whatever his mind would find and after a long time, finally fell into Morpheus’s arms.

 


	2. Sense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi there.  
> sorry for the delay. i had to deal w/ personal stuff & college was (and still is) kicking my *ss.
> 
> hope you'll like this chapter!

 

_"To perceive is to suffer." - Aristotle_  
  
_______________  
 

Minghao woke up to the sound of opening doors.  
  
He slowly opened his eyes, seeing a nurse who instantly bowed when she noticed his waking.

“Hello sir. It's time to wake up.” she said in a neutral tone.

Minghao, still a little sleepy, bowed in return.

“I will bring you your breakfast.” she added, before leaving the bedroom.

Minghao rubbed his eyes in an attempt to wake himself up once for all and walked with sleepiness toward his bathroom.  
 

************

  
“Hello, I'm Minghao. I hope we'll get along in the future.” Minghao rapidly bowed and kept his gaze down.

Being formal was the best way to draw people to you at first, his father had always said. So that’s what he had decided to do, be formal. He could feel all the eyes from the room focused on him. He slowly lifted his head and noticed that none of the patients were smiling.  
None, except one.  
He was bright and clean, his teeth were perfectly ranged and little dimples were visible across his cheeks.  
  
Minghao raised his gaze and caught puppy-like but intense eyes, an impish nose, and jet-black hair strands grazing his forehead. They belonged to the seemingly older patient, at the least what he could describe as “the leader” of the patients since all of them were gathering around him.  
The said leader took a step forward, confidence leaking from every step he made forward.  
  
“I'm Seungcheol.” the black-haired man said with a confident voice, waving at him.

Minghao felt so intimidated. Seungcheol had this aura that made you not want to mess with the man. He was so imposing despite his relatively little frame.  
He definitely was the definition of confidence. He reminded him of a jaguar : Quiet and calm, but full of confidence and aware of his own importance.

“Nice to meet you” Minghao answered, a little shy.  
He was scared he had done something wrong because the leader didn't even move an eyelid. He just looked at him with an inscrutable look. But then, a smile and little dimples caught the young heir's eyes.

“Yeah, well, you don't have to be that formal. I mean, with us. You're welcome here.” Seungcheol's smile, first polite, grew almost tender.  
  
Minghao couldn't help but let a little smile graze his lips. He almost could sense that brown haired man was already fathering him, and for an unknown reason, it made his tensed muscle relax. He released the breath was holding since the beginning of his introduction.

“I think I'll introduce you to the others since they're not willing to give any effort. ” Seungcheol added, emphasizing his remark as he turned to throw a serious glare to the others who hadn't said a thing since Minghao entered the room. “Here is Jeonghan, Hanson and Mingyu” Seungcheol introduced them one by one, as he pointed them.

They waved at him with a small smile as they said “Hello”, all except Mingyu but Minghao didn't really notice it as he was back to staring at the ground. He knew it was stupid but anxiety started to make its way in through his body.  
He only caught a glimpse of their faces, since he was starting to get really anxious about what they were thinking of him at the moment.  
Especially, what they were thinking about his body.  
  
People tended to stare at him for a long time, instantly guessing atMinghao's eating habits. It would always make the young man uncomfortable and although Seungcheol really started to make him feel at ease, he couldn't really proceed to look any longer at the other boys. He didn't want to see pity - or whatever it was called - in their eyes.

Seungcheol, who didn't miss any glimpse of the moment, gave a slight cough to draw Mingyu's attention back, but the latter really didn't care, clearly indicating that he didn't want to have anything to do with the newbie.

“Excuse him. Sometimes, or if you want my opinion often, he can be nothing but a dick.” Seungcheol muttered straight-forwardly, but apologetic.

“It's okay” Minghao answered quietly.

Despite Seungcheol words, Mingyu's behavior put an awkward and uncomfortable silence settling between them, no one daring to even move an eyelash.  
Minghao didn't really mind, although it made him even more uncomfortable. He was more focused on the fact that none of them had asked aboutthe reason forhis presence in the hospital.  
Suddenly, Mingyu left without a word while Seungcheol's worried eyes followed his well-built frame with attention.

_What the hell is happening with him ?_ Seungcheol wondered.

He really wanted to check on Mingyu and ask him what was wrong but a wave of guilt started to settle down in his chest. He couldn't just leave Minghao like that, in favor of another patient, no matter who it was. None of them here were new, and doing this would surely hurt the other.  
Plus **,** it was his role to be sure that he felt welcomed here. It was his role to guide and reassure him during his first days in the service.

As the oldest patient, he had naturally taken the place of “leader”and was always the one the other patients would come to if they needed to talk about something but didn't feel very comfortable to talk with anybody.

“Whatever.” Seungcheol muttered. “Do you want to go in my room ? I mean, we usually go there to chill, the rest room doesn't feel private anymore with all those nurses passing in the corridor.” he added, looking expectantly at Minghao.

“Yes, of course.” Jeonghan said, out of nowhere, laughter in his voice. “You just want to show your trophies, again. You just can't help yourself, can you?”

At the sound of this deep and low voice he had never heard before, Minghao finally looked up.  
  
His eyes landed automatically on a Jeonghan's face and his androgynous features left him in awe.  
He had short forehead, impish nose and long hair that was put in a ponytail, falling to his shoulders. All of this contrasted nicely with his unexpected voice and his masculine jaw. Jeonghan was really beautiful, indeed. He looked like art.

“Shut up Jeonghan ! It's a rite of bienvenue” the leader answered with fake annoyance, jolting the chestnut haired manfrom his reverie.

Jeonghan was now laughing. “Show off.”

And they carried on, Jeonghan and Seungcheol now teasing each other about the latter’s supposed narcissism.

Minghao looked at them with a small smile. He really didn't feel like he was in a hospital at that moment and he was grateful to both of them for lightening the mood. Hansol sighed and took him by his arm, leading them to Seungcheol's room, surprising him. The blond-haired young man opened the door wide and closed it once Minghao entered.

“Sorry, but I don't want to hear more of their domestic quarrel and I don’t think you do either. It’s been years i'm dealing with this and i’m starting to get tired of it.” he said, though the joking tone was clear.  
  
Minghao nodded at him, still smiling.

“By the way...” Hansol began, “Sorry for Mingyu's welcome. As Seungcheol told you before, don't feel like a burden here. And also, don't pay mind to Mingyu, he's just been having hard times.”

“Okay.” Minghao conceded, “I'm not angry you know.”

“Yeah but who knows. I personally wouldn't have liked his behavior, so I’m still telling you that.”

Minghao only nodded, since he didn't really know how to respond. Everyone was so careful with him, it was almost touching but also kind of weird.  
Seungcheol was being very protective and caring although they had met barely two minutes ago and Hansol wanted so bad to make sure he felt welcome in here. He couldn't help but get a little suspicious, though he couldn't deny that he was touched by the attention.

As Hansol sat on the edge of Seungcheol's bed, Minghao started to scan the room. It was customized, unlike his. Seungcheol wasn't new here at all, it was a given.  
  
He might have spent months, even years here considering how his room was full of personal stuff and pinned pictures on the big wooden panel trimming the pale wall. Seungcheol was in most of them, sometimes with what he guessed were his friends and his family. A few pictures showed him with a nice jumpsuit, holding a trophy in his hands. _So, it was true. He had actually won prizes_ , Minghao thought.  
  
He turned and his eyes landed on two trophies that were on the desk. He walked forward and looked closely at them, not daring to hold them. They were in the shape of music notes. According to the pictures he had just seen, Seungcheol had won a lot of trophies for sure and not even half of them were here.  
He was apparently really proud of them – not that it really mattered to Minghao anyways - . Curiosity peaked him up as he wondered which instrument “the leader” was playing.

“He plays guitar, if that's what you’re wondering.”  
  
Apparently Hansol could read people's minds.

“Classical guitar?” Minghao asked.

“Yeah, I know. You don't expect the impressive Seungcheol playing that kind of guitar right ? But he did for almost ten years.”

“Did ?” Minghao inquired.

“Well...he stopped long time ago.” Hansol explained.  
  
“Oh okay.” he refrained from pushing fartger, understanding that he was starting to cross a line.”Do you play music ?”he asked, in an attempt to change the subject.

Hansol chuckled, showing a perfect range of teeth.  
  
“I did, but music isn't really my cup of tea. I don't even know how to hold a guitar properly but that's not to say that my parents didn’t try to get me into it.” Hansol explained, his voice dripping with irony. “They even forced me into piano courses, but I sucked at that too and my teacher was a pain in the ass.”  
  
Minghao chuckled at Hansol's honest words.  
  
“I can relate to that to be honest.”

“Oh really ?” Hansol asked.

“Yes. I love a lot of piano players and when I was younger, my parents came up with the idea that I should learn an instrument and they wouldn't stop hounding me about it. I never actually got forced into it though. Thanks god.”

“Lucky you” Hansol answered, his voice filled with envy. “So who was your favorite piano player ?”

“Well...i don't know if it would really be your style..”

“Try me.”

Minghao started to think too much and stress himself out as to whether he sould share this with Hansol. He could dislike it...And then Hansol might think he is annoying and...-  
  
Stop. He had to stop. It was just a song. Just one damn song. He shouldn't stress over it right ?  
Plus, Hansol seemed to be a pretty chill person. Since Minghao met him, he hadn't raised his voice a single time, not that he had a reason to, but still, he seemed to have a calm temperament for sure and it was really relaxing. It was crazy how comfortable he was when talking to Hansol.  
  
Maybe he should try ?  
  
“It's Yiruma.”

“ Ah !” Hansol exclaimed. “I know him, he's pretty famous but I've only listened to one song.”

“Lemme guess...It's River Flows in You ?”

“Bella's lullaby.”

“Well, Twilight fans wished it was. But the movie production never accepted so it isn't, officially.”

“Whatever. I've already listened to him.”

“That piece doesn't really show how talented he is.” Mingha countered.

“Then show me his real talent.” Hansol said quietly, with a tiny smile, as he bent over to take a laptop from under the bed.

And as Hansol turned on the laptop, Minghao thought that maybe…  
Maybe he wouldn't have to keep to himself this time.

************  
 

It was quiet and peaceful, unlike his mind.

As he was sat cross-legged, a bracing cold breeze caressed his face and made his bare arms shiver. He didn’t care though and kept his eyes closed shut.  
A few pigeons were standing beside him, cooing and searching for something to peck but they didn’t disturb him.

The only thing he could only think about was someone. It was his father.  
He missed him, a lot. And he knew nothing could be done about that.  
  
He wasn't really angry at the others for not recognizing the newbie.  
They barely watched the news, especially Seungcheol who deeply held convictions that any kind of popular media was nothing but a stack of ads and manipulation. Not that he could disagree with him. However, from the minute Mingyu saw him, he perfectly knew who Minghao was. His face was way too familiar to him.

“The Mysterious Heir”, newspapers liked to call him.

Son of Lady and Sir Xiao, two of the most influential business people of South-Korea and one of the wealthier great fortunes of South Korea, but barely visible in the media. His parents were very discreet and wanted to protect their son from the sharks journalists naturally were.  
Only a few appearances in the newspapers and yet still there were countless rumors concerning his relationship status, his friends, his health...his life.

It’s not like he had read every released article about Minghao, but it’s not like he didn’t know him either and it was more than enough for him not to appreciate him.  
  
The only thing that mattered to people of the same social status than Minghao was profit.  
Why would Minghao be different from them ?  
  
They had everything : Money, fame, family, servants. Minghao could ask for everything he wanted and his daddy would buy it for him, it’s not like he didn’t have the money for it. And everyone knew money was power. Mingyu more than anyone else.  
  
Money, Profit killed his father. More specifically, people like him killed his father and to be in the same hospital as one of these people, full of their power, was too much to bear for him.  
  
Of course, he felt Seungcheol's cold eyes on his back when he had walked away, but he didn't care at that moment. All he cared about was how the conglomerate was using people for their own profit and how his father's death had been unfair.  
No one was going to stand for that, he had made peace with this fact. However, seeing Minghao there, in what he liked to call his safe place, made all these buried feelings rise to the surface, again.  
  
He just wanted to cry, but fiercely held back his tears.  
  
Nonetheless, he couldn’t stop that wave of guilt that burned his chest at this moment. He didn’t want to become the “old” Mingyu. He had promised he wouldn’t.  
His reaction was more an impulsive reaction and he knew he should have at least given the boy a proper welcome. He wasn’t going to blindly hate the chestnut haired man and he wished he had behaved accordingly. After all, if he was there it was for a reason.  
Now, what the silver-haired boy couldn’t understand was why someone that rich would stay in such a modest hospital. He could have gone to the best clinics of the country to seek medical treatment.

It was weird, but that’s not like Mingyu cared about this either.


	3. Luminescence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi there ! 
> 
> this is the first un-betaread chapter i've ever posted in English. I would like to thanks Cellyne, for her inspiring comment, who really pushed me to post this chapter.
> 
> i hope you'll still enjoy it though.
> 
> please don't hesitate to comment, especially in these circumstances ! any advices are more than welcome.
> 
> thank you !

  
"Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it." _-_ Martin Luther King Jr.

 

___________________

 

These days, things went well for Minghao.  
  
Thanks to all the patients in the service he had been admitted, he really started to feel like he was in a safe place, certainly far from his mansion, but definitely safer.

He hadn’t ate with the others yet, as he asked the nurses not to. However, they never failed to ask him everyday if he wanted to eat with the other boys.  
  
But the answer was always the same…  
  
It was a No.

His psychiatrist insisted on the fact that his wish should be respected. Minghao knew this situation wasn’t going to last forever but as long as it was okay for him to eat alone, he would.  
  
Thinking about the day he would be resigned to eat with the others wasn’t really reassuring for him since t he others would witness his disordered eating habits.  
He aptly knew he wasn’t the only one with an eating disorder here. He even had growing suspicions about a certain person but he didn’t want to assume things too fast.

 

He hadn’t dared to ask the boys about the reasons they had been admitted here, yet. It’s been two weeks he got to know them, and he didn’t think he was close enough to them for him to ask them such a personal question.  
  
Minghao didn’t even know if they will ever be close enough, to be honest.

 

A sharp sound against the tables threw him out of the deep ditch his thought were.  
  
  
« Focus! »

The voice of Mrs Lang was full of severity and reproaches, to the point it almost gave Minghao a good share of goosebumps.

« I’m sorry. » Minghao apologized as he bowed, lowering his gaze and trying to repress the jump of surprise which shook his tiny frame.  
  
« I hope so. Now, come back to us and resolve this problem, please. » Mrs Lang was looking straight into his eyes.

« Yes, Madam. » he answered, grabbing his pen in an attempt to appear more focused.  
  
  
His father had visited him once, only to inform him that he had hired a personal teacher so he still could learn and not fall behind on his studies.  
  
That’s not like the clinic hadn’t any teacher at its disposal: They would have offered Minghao to continue his studies with one of the teacher they were in partnership. Nonetheless they had decided, according to the psychiatrist advices that Minghao wasn’t really in the perfect mood to study again.

  
But it was without counting Sir Xiao, who blatantly imposed his point of view and demanded that his son continues his studies right away with the teacher he had chosen by this week.

  
The clinic refused at first, but when Sir Xiao threatened to pull his son out of the clinic for a more famed institution, they immediately changed their mind.  
  
Indeed, someone like Minghao could help the clinic to have a better reputation. Yes, his presence there was kept as a secret but in the future, he might recommend them. Moreover, his father was paying them way more than necessary. The clinic wouldn’t and literally _couldn’t_ spit on that.

It had been a while since the young heir had realized the fact that wherever he was stepping a feet, he was likely to be seen as a sizeable source of funds and that’s why he didn’t hold any grudge against the clinic who put him in an unpleasant and quite stressful situation: studying with a personal teacher instead of doing the activities just like the others patients.  
  
Sometimes, these activities weren’t _that_ good and he didn’t find them particularly interesting, that was true.  
  
Some artist would come and teach them a specific way to draw or practice their art and answer questions but Minghao wasn’t very good with his hands which often leaded him to make things he was always a little ashamed of (what always caused Hansol to laugh out loud).

However, it happened that the young men had a “free-afternoon” they could spend as they wanted, which often meant for them a binge-watching party in the living room or a listening session of music in Seungcheol’s room.  
  
Sometimes, they would play dumb games such as truth or dare.

It was childish but Minghao was okay with that. They were cool and nice and...

“Okey, let’s say we’re done for today. I don’t know what’s wrong with you but you definitely need rest” the teacher said, as she got up and started to pack her wallet.

The wealthy student only nodded, not saying a single word.

“I’ll comeback in a few days. I want this problem solved until then.” She added, coldly.

“Yes, Madam.” Minghao answered, hiding his contentment.

“Good Afternoon.” Mrs Lang greeted with no sympathy, as she went out of the room.

“Good Afternoon, Madam” he greet back a little louder so the woman could hear him.  
  
  
Being seen as rude to his teacher, that his father knew personally, wasn’t a very good idea.  
  
The chestnut-haired young man allowed a sigh to escape his mouth once he’d heard the door shutting sound. A feeling of emptiness filled his entire body for an unknown reason.  
  
Maybe, it was the room; it felt emptier. Nothing was grazing the walls unlike Seungcheol’s room. Here, the only thing adorning the room was people’s presence. Maybe he should think about sticking few posters on the walls.

He strayed himself once again from his thoughts and got up. He stretched himself before going to the common room.  
  
As he walked, a nurse passed in the corridor and naturally waved at him. He had become quite close with him in the past few days. Mostly because it was him that always woke him up with a tenderness that he had never known. This was enough for the heir to be grateful.  
  
The common room hadn’t any door, but an arch. A plasma television was there as well as a large couch and a library overflowing with books. It was a simple room which had been decorated in a cozy way. The walls were displaying a strong burgundy color, sometimes adorning few paintings of unknown artists.

 

“Yo!” A well-known voice exclaimed at his attention.

“Hi!” Minghao answered, half-smiling.

“I can see that you survived.” Seungcheol joked.

“Yeah, but it was that close.” Minghao answered as he mimed with his fingers a tiny space, which made the leader laugh.

”It’s a free afternoon today so I thought we could watch a movie, what do you think?”

“It’s okay for me but please, not one of those including unnecessary romance this time.” he pleaded.

“Okay, Okay, you’ll choose.” Seungcheol conceded.

“Thank God,” he answered. “By the way, where are the others?” Minghao added.

“Hansol is sleeping, the last time I saw Jeonghan in his room, he was sleeping too and Mingyu is surely reading, I don’t really know.” Seungcheol explained.

“Oh, okay.” Minghao said quietly, as the name “Mingyu” reminded him of few things he didn’t want to think aboutat this very moment.

“You still can choose though,” Seungcheol added “That’s okay for them, if that’s what you were thinking about.”

“Oh...Okay, thanks.”  
  
  
Minghao went to the DVD player and scanned the cabinet looking for a good action movie also known as one of his favorite genre of movies while the “leader” was waiting patiently behind, playing some game on his smart phone.  
  
Once he found the Chosen one, he opened his box and entered the DVD in the player before taking the zapper and walking to sit beside the dark-haired leader.  
  
“So?” Seungcheol inquired.

“The Raid 2.” Minghao said with spirit, which surprised him a little.

“I only saw the first movie, I really hope the second one is as good as the first.”

“It’s even better, trust me.” Minghao assured.

“How do you know?” Seungcheol inquired. “Don’t tell me that it’s not the first time you’re watching it?”

“Well...” Minghao began. “It’s going to be the fourth time I’m watching it.”

“Oh my god… You’re such a fanboy.” Seungcheol teased.

“Hey!” Minghao bumped into him with his left elbow.

“There’s nothing wrong with that, you know.” Seungcheol continued, laughing at his reaction.

“Yeah, if you say so...” Minghao said, smiling.

He pressed the “Play” button and choose the audio language, the subtitles before playing the whole thing.

Crazy, how he felt light-hearted and safe whilst talking with Seungcheol.  
It had been a really long time he hadn’t felt like this.  
It was...refreshing somehow?  
  
“Oh and Minghao?”

“Yes?”

“Stop being formal with me.” Seungcheol said with an unrecognizable tone.  
  
If Minghao didn’t know him at the least, he would have thought the leader was angry against him.

“O..okay” he finally agreed, disconcerted.

“Good.” The leader turned his head towards him and smiled lightly before putting his attention back to the giant screen in front of them.

  
The Raid 2 was a long but intense movie, with few breaks between the combats screens unlike the first opus. Plus, the story was of quality. The two young men were so absorbed by the movie that they didn’t noticed Jeonghan’s presence until the latter sat on the couch.

None of them exchanged a word though and they all continued to watch the movie in silence, sometimes their heartbeats increasing in pace.

Two hours later, the catchy ending song resonated in the room. Minghao finally blinked his eyes full of amazement after watching for the fourth time what he believed was one of the best action movie ever made.  
  
A sigh of contentment permeated his eardrums.

  
“Holy shit, this movie was a masterpiece!” the leader almost shouted, still a little dazed.

“I know right!” Minghao exclaimed. “This movie is so underrated, it’s unbelievable.” Minghao added with a voice tainted of sadness.

“Well, a lot of good movies are underrated you know,” Jeonghan began. “But sometimes, they finally get the recognition they deserve over time so don’t worry.”

“Yeah, I hope so.” he answered, not very convinced. “Did you like the movie by the way?”

“Yeah, of course. I didn’t see the first movie but I still enjoyed this one so much.” Jeonghan’s honest words pleased Minghao who couldn’t help but feel anxious as he waited for the androgynous boy’s answer.

“That’s nice then.” Minghao smiled like he had rarely done lately.

“Fanboy!” said Jeonghan, teasingly.  
  
“Hey!” the young heir retorqued.

Seungcheol laughed.

“There is nothing wrong with being a fanboy, you know.” the leader repeated, laughing heartily, “It’s cute!”  
  
Minghao’s cheeks started to get trimmed with a light but visible purple color that didn’t go unnoticed by the young men.

  
“Look, he’s blushing” Jeonghan continued, teasing the other’s cheeks with his thin middle finger.  
  
“You’re too cute” Seungcheol added _,_ with a voice people usually used to talk with a baby.  
  
“Stop, you two!” Minghao countered, with an awkward smile.  
  
  
They continued to tease him until someone knockedhard on the wall of the room.  
  
  
“It’s time to eat, people.” announced a deep, but smooth voice.  
  
He didn’t recognize this voice at first, and he was quite gifted when it was about remembering and recognizing people by their voices. That’s why he raised his eyes, seeking for the source of the mysterious voice.

As soon as his eyes found its target, he lowered his head again.  
  
It was Mingyu and it was more than enough for Minghao to avoid any eye contact.  
  
  
“Okay, pal.” Seungcheol answered. “Go on, we’re coming.”  
  
“You mean ‘Go on, and put our trays on the table for us – lazy fucks – please, we’re coming’ right?” Mingyu countered, clearly annoyed.

“Mingyu, I always knew you were the most perceptive of all of us.” Seungcheol added, refraining himself from laughing shamelessly.  
  
  
The said Mingyu frowned and to answer that, the leader released a “Please?” with puppy eyes that even the blue-haired couldn’t resist.  
  
He sighed before leaving the frame and doing what he did for almost one year: set the table – which meant putting everyone’s plates on the table – because he had always been the first to come in the dining room.  
  
Mingyu never joked with food.

Jeonghan got up and decided that he would help him, this time.  
  
Seungcheol turned his gaze over his side and began.  
  
“Minghao?”  
  
The latter slowly lifted his head towards him.  
  
“Would you like to come?” His voice was dripping with hesitation. “I mean, to eat with us?”

  
Minghao’s heart skipped a beat; maybe two.  
  
  
He didn’t expect someone – besides the nurse s – to ask him to come and he didn’t know what to answer.  
Or should he be honest with himself, he already knew what he _wanted_ to answer.  
  
The same old answer.  
  
But seeing the black-haired man with these eyes full of apprehension and even guilt moved something in his heart he couldn’t put a name on.

“You’re not forced to do anything.” Seungcheol hurriedly added after few seconds of silence. “It’s just an offer. Don’t feel like you have to do it, okay?”  
  
Minghao could sense in the leader’s tone that the latter was afraid to have crossed a forbidden line.

“Thank you Seungcheol.” Minghao muttered, with a voice full of emotion.

“What?” the other asked, incredulous.

“Thank you. For everything.” Minghao continued, this time louder with a little smile on his lips. “I’d really like to come eating with you, tonight. If this is okay, of course.”  
  
Seungcheol seemed deeply relieved but tried his best to hide it since his last wish was to embarrass Minghao any further.  
  
  
“If I asked you, it’s because _it is_ okay. Jeonghan asked for you several times, you know.” Seungcheol muttered.

“Really?” Minghao was a bit surprised by the leader’s revelation.  
  
“Yeah, but you never heard it from anyone, okay?” Seungcheol winked at him. “He would kill me if he came to know I’ve told you that”.  
  
  
The young heir could only think at this moment that Seungcheol surely already got someone pregnant before with this wink of his.  
  
  
“Okay” he replied, snorting because of what he had been thinking just now.  
  
“Let’s go then!” Seungcheol exclaimed. “But I don’t know if the nurses put your tray on the rolling storage, maybe you’d have to take it in your room first.”  
  
“Yes, I’d join you all after.”

“Okay.” Seungcheol answered as he raised himself from the couch.

 

Minghao went to his room and found, as expected, a tray with his name written on a lid.  
  
He took his tray and then entered the only room he hadn’t visited yet: the living room.  
  
It had – obviously – white walls, a large table that seemed to come from a futurist furniture collection he saw the other day in a magazine, and chairs; shiny as new pennies.  
  
Few grey closets that should contain stuff such as cutlery, tissues and glasses – although they were already on every patients’ tray – were there.

Minghao didn’t know where to sit, as everyone was already on his chair, ready to eat what they had chosen earlier with the nurses.  
  
He was a little taken aback when he saw that even few of the nurses were eating in this room too, as if they were watching if everyone finished its plate. It started to stress himself out and he was two fingers from going out of the room when Jeonghan called him out.

“Minghao!” Jeonghan started. “You’re here?” he asked, his eyes almost sparkling from what seemed to be genuine happiness.  
  
“Ye..Yes” Minghao answered, embarrassed from the spotlight Jeonghan’s intervention had put on him.  
  
“There is a chair next to me, would you like to sit here?” Jeonghan offered. “There is also a sit beside Mingyu if you want to avoid me.” he added, with a joking tone.  
  
  
Minghao smiled at the red-haired man enthusiasm and walked to sit where it was the most logical place to sit for him, beside Jeonghan.  
  
As he took place on the chair, Jeonghan looked at him one last time before starting to eat.  
  
The nurses were chatting a lot with them and looked pleased by Minghao’s presence. The latter was kind of grateful for the nonexistent comments on his unusual presence in the room, and ate as he could.  
  
His tray contained rice, spinach, radish and pork sauté, all divided in different bowls.

It was way too much for him and some interior fight started in his head: he didn’t want to make a show of him in front of the other but, he didn’t want to get fatter too.  
  
  
One way or another, his action would affect his current situation. The thing here was to know what was the best thing between eating safe and taking the risk to be watched out or eat like everyone would and finish his tray?

At this very moment, Minghao wished deeply he didn’t have to choose how to eat. In his mansion, nobodyuttered a word. They knew he wasn’t some of the capricious child people as rich as his parents usually had.  
However, some of the employees judged that it was none of their business in the first place, which in a way wasn’t completely untrue.  
  
Plus, most of them didn’t feel particularly close of the Xiao family, the only one person contradicting this fact being Junhui.  
  
He was also the only one that would make remarks about the young heir’s eating habits but it was still bearable for the latter as it was only one person, and the closest to him on top of that.  
  
And now, it seemed like everyone would eventually throw judging eyes to his bowls still full of food.

 

A cold feeling on his shoulder threw him back to reality. It was Jeonghan’s hand, Jeonghan whose breath was actually caressing his ears, causing him to shiver.

“It’s okay.” he began. “You don’t have to finish your meal if you really don’t want to. Look.” Jeonghan added, as he pointed at his own with his chin.  
  
  
His tray was composedof the same thing than the Chinese boy. They had chosen the same meal but, something else caught the heir’s eyes.  
  
  
Jeonghan’s bowls were unfinished, just as his own.  
  
  
Minghao started to scan unconsciously and shamelessly the other’s tray, which didn’t seem to bother the ponytailed man at all.  
  
Jeonghan must had used his spoon like three times, maybe only to take spinach.  
  
Minghao was almost 100% sure that he hadn’t ate the other things considering the fact that one of his bowl was filled to the rim with rice, and that the other ingredients seemed untouched.  
  
Jeonghan had barely ate anything.

The first thing that came into his mind was that he, Xiao Minghao, was fat.  
  
He had ate more than a person at a normal person.  
  
How could he have done this?  
  
If healthy people with none fat to loose ate that little, how could he have believed that he could eat that much despite the fact that he has so much fat to lose?  
  
Minghao was angry against himself but then, Jeonghan pressed his hand on his shoulder and craned his mouth back to his ears.

 

“You’re okay. It’s okay.” Jeonghan muttered with a comforting tone. “You’re eating and it’s normal.”  
  
_No, it’s not normal._ That’s what Minghao would have said in other circumstances but then, Jeonghan gently took his chin and turned it to the rest of the room.  
  
The other patients were talking about a subject Minghao had no clue about. It was like he was in a bubble with Jeonghan and the other’s chat wasn’t perceptible for his ears. His eyes immediately searched for the trays of the other human beings of the room, and he shamefully felt relieved when he saw that everyone in the room -except Jeonghan and himself- had emptied their bowls.

Minghao’s eyes focused back on his face and, for a reason he knew was unhealthy, felt so grateful to Jeonghan that he could have hugged him at this exact moment. Instead, he put his hand on top of the other hand and pressed it as a way to say “Thank you”.

Jeonghan said nothing but smiled. After a moment, Minghao released his grip and so did the red-haired man.  
  
_So, he understands._ Minghao thought. _He understands._ _Maybe he’s not so healthy._ _Maybe_ _I was right and he_ _...?_

But he hadn’t the time to think about this as everyone was already leaving to put his tray on the rolling tray storage.

He got up and placed his unfinished meal on it and after a quick chat with Hansol and Jeonghan, went to his room.

  
  
********************

  
  
There was only one shower in the service and Minghao assumed that a good part of the group had already taken theirs: Seungcheol and Jeonghan, for example, liked to take their shower on the morning, because of the pleasant feeling of “refreshment” they felt after a good shower, in the morning.  
  
Unlike them, Minghao liked to feel relaxed after a good warm shower at the end of the day, that’s why he took his towel and walked to the bathroom’s door.  
  
Once in front of the door, he was going to lower down the handle when someone did it for him.

 

This “someone” was in fact in the bathroom.

This “someone” was in fact, a blue-haired man he had tried to avoid for the past two weeks.  


This time, he hadn’t been fast enough to avoid his gaze. His eyes fell straight into cold chestnut-colored orbs and Minghao regretted his gesture.

None words were exchanged but Mingyu was a little taller than him and it was enough for him to feel like a little rabbit in front of a big bad wolf.

Minghao lowered his gaze, mainly by reflex, allowing his eyes to slide onto the toned, shaved torso facing him.  
  
While doing so, something black on Mingyu’s groin drew his attention. It was a bold curved line who seemed to expand lower under his towel. It was without a doubt a tattoo and Minghao wondered what it represented.  
  
He tried to repress a blush at his own thoughts, only to fail, and slowly closed his eyes.

The taller one didn’t know what to think about the behavior of the man standing in front of him.  
As if he had been struck by a flash, he reminded the way he treated him on his first day and couldn’t repress a littledash of guilt to pierce his chest.  
  
Minghao looked so frightened, and it would have made him laugh in other circumstances.  
  
But this time, it wasn’t funny at all.  
  
Here he was, struggling to apologize to Minghao.  
  
  
_What on hell was he doing?_  
  
  
_He just had to apologize and then he was equal with the guy._  
  


He cleared his throat, making the other shudder a little but nothing came out of his mouth.

God, he was so pitiful.

“Look, I’m sorry for the other day” Mingyu started, trying die-hard to repress his stress and his awkwardness. “I shouldn’t have treated you like that.”

Minghao could swear that if it kept going like that for him in here, he would come down with a heart condition by the end of the year.  
  
He shuddered, and mentally slapped himself for failing to repress his anxiety.  
  
“It’s okay. Guess it was a bad day.” Minghao said quietly, not exactly thrilled by the idea of starting a conversation with him. It was stressful and he needed rest.  
  
Mingyu didn’t move an inch but still stared at him as if he was looking through his soul.  
  
The blue-haired found something interesting in the young heir’s eyes and particularly liked his hair. They were silky, and the chestnut tone of them contrasted perfectly with his dark eyes.  
  
Something in this was so attracting for Mingyu but he instantly stopped his thoughts to go into further details and his eyes to go deeper in their exploration of the entirety that represented Xiao Minghao.  
  
The latter furtively raised his gaze, getting himself lost in Mingyu’s brown orbs that never stopped looking at him.  
  
After few seconds, they both awkwardly drifted their gaze somewhere else.  
  
Judgingthat there was nothing more to say, Mingyu simply went away from the door and started to walk toward his room **,** leaving a flustered Minghao behind him.  
  
Minghao’s heart was beating so fast it could have made its way out from his chest at any moment.  
  
It should have been a relief for him, to have Mingyu apologizing for something he had passed hours thinking about in such different angles.  
  
And it was, in a certain way.  
  
Minghao’s heart felt lighter and a comfortable hot feeling was making its way in his chest.  
  
But he saw something he couldn’t name in Mingyu’s eyes at this moment that made him feel guilty for God knows what.

And he didn’t like it at all.  


Why couldn’t he accept him?

  
At this point, he only wished for the blue-haired one to accept him, to bear him, to like him or whatever.  
  
He could cope with anything coming from him.  
  
  
_Anything_ , but not hate.

  
He didn’t want to feel unwanted here, too.  



	4. Dawn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey ! so i'm back after a long long time. this story is also mine, which makes it very difficult for me to write.  
> but i'm getting better !
> 
> i just hope you'll enjoy this new chapter.
> 
> thanks for still supporting this story !

 

"The dawn of beauty always come after night." - Sorin Cerin

___________________

  
He remembered a lot of things.  
  
The way they looked at each other on the first day of class.  
  
The way he would furtively admire him, his heart clinging out of his chest.  
  
The way he would daydream of kissing his soft lips.  
  
The day he had been caught staring at his perfect blond locks.  
  
The days he would go to his house and spend hours playing music with him.  
  
Their first kiss and, the way he would cling onto his lower lips, begging for more but already short in breath.

The way his digits, as sweet as silk, would graze his cheeks for hours.

The way he looked when they made love: he was a prey to lust and looked disheveled; his eyes were always the darkest they had always been, at this moment.  
  
The way they held each other when it was time to say goodbye.  
  
He remembered the cozy nights watching TV together or just cuddling with him.  
  
He remembered _everything._  
  
How they _slowly_ , but surely started to drift away from each other.

The feeling of losing it, losing something.

And his eyes at this moment.  
  
They expressed so much things at this moment, things which crushed his heart into tiny, tiny pieces.  
  
_He remembered everything._  
  
He woke up, his eyes puffy and cried his heart out.  
After a while, he went to the bathroom, wondering when all these nights of reminiscence would disappear, so he could finally get a decent sleep again.  
  
*******************  
  
“If you don't gain weight anytime soon, we will be forced to put you on a feeding tube. That's the last warning." a voice began. "I know this is hard for you but if you-"  
  
"No, you don't." retorqued another voice, filled with anger and bitterness. "If you really did, you wouldn't proceed like that."  
  
"We are here to help you."  
  
"This thing is hell."  
  
"We're trying to do our best to help you. We don't necessarily like to put this on anyone here, but you're still losing.  
You're not here to wither, Jeonghan. You're here to recover." the doctor said with sincerity.  
   
These words seemed to have calmed down the said Jeonghan, who didn't spit a word and instead, sighed to show how this appointment started to get on his nerve.  
  
"You mentioned that you had something special with a certain someone now?" the doctor inquired, trying to change the subject.  
  
The ponytailed patient saw right through the doctor’s intend but decided to not call this out, for once.  
He knew he wasn’t an easy patient but being here really made him uncomfortable sometimes, and he couldn’t stop himself from expressing it somehow.  
He always felt guilty afterwards, but he’d eventually tell himself that the doctor must have been used to it after several years of regular appointments and then; this feeling would vanish.  
  
"Yeah." he answered nonchalantly.  
  
"Would you mind telling me a little more about this?"  
  
"Well, we understand each other on different levels. I mean, we like the same music and he seems to struggle with food, too."  
  
“That’s very nice, I'm glad you guys get along well.” started the doctor. “I just hope you won’t turn this into a competition thing.”  
  
"No, we won't. We're actually very supportive of each other. It's been only one month since he arrived and sometimes, I feel closer to him than anyone else." the ponytailed explained, his face growing tender.  
  
"So, you consider him as a friend?" the psychiatrist asked, a tiny smile grazing his thin lips.  
  
"Yeah, indeed." the young man answered. "Now are we finished?" he asked, struggling to hide his annoyance.  
  
"Yeah, but don't forget the warning. The next time we meet for the check-up? There won't be any."  
  
"I know." Jeonghan's voice was cold as ice. "Goodbye." he added, bowing respectfully before getting up from the chair he had been sitting for almost one hour.  
  
"Goodbye Jeonghan. Take care."  
  
The latter nodded and left the room.  
  
The doctor sighed and read one last time the notes he had been taking during his appointment with the red-haired patient.  
Once he was done he got up and put on his black jacket, the desire of filling his lungs with tobacco being now ridiculously omnipresent.

* * *

One month there.  
And he started to feel something like “ being at home” but he wasn’t sure, since he didn’t remember how it felt.  
  
He was eating every meal with the other boys in the dining room as he slowly started to feel comfortable doing _this_ with them.  
If he put aside the fact that he had been avoiding a certain silver-haired man – yes, Minghao hadn’t understood whether if Mingyu had blue or silver (or both ?) hair yet –  
since their last encounter, he was totally getting along with the others patients, especially Jeonghan.  
  
The young heir could think of him as a friend. That's not like he didn't like the others: although they hadn't spoken about their respective reasons of admission in the clinic, they understood each other and got along well.  
  
But...  
  
…Jeonghan had a good cinematographic culture. It wasn’t long before they talked hours and hours about their favorite movies, the ones they impatiently waited for,  
the best and the worst they had ever watched.  
  
What the young heir liked the most with him was the fact that he had always something interesting to say.  
Never did an awkward silence settled between them, there were only the comfortable ones that allowed them to feel at peace with each other.  
  
Going back to reality, he realized Junhui was supposed to come to the clinic today.  
The latter had called the service few days ago and asked for a visit.  
  
Minghao excused himself after lunch and went to his room.

He hadn’t any course with Mrs. Lang today which was a big relief.  
He wasn’t fond of her, to be very honest, even though he knew she was only doing her job - in her own way, but still -.  
  
Junhui hadn’t been able to visit him because of his work, which was very demanding and who obviously took up most of his times.  
He was the lead butler, and consequently, oversaw every single thing concerning the mansion.

That’s why Minghao was very grateful to him for still thinking about the son of his _boss_.  
At least, someone didn’t forget him back “home”.  
  
As he was putting on a vest, a nurse knocked at his door and came in, apparently not waiting for any response.  
  
« Sorry to disturb you, Sir, but someone is there for you »  
  
« I’m coming. » Minghao said, joy dripping in his voice.  
  
He followed the nurses to the waiting room and instantly recognized the frame that was sitting there.

« Hello, Minghao » greeted Junhui in a Chinese dialect.

The said Minghao was right in front of him and hesitated before pulling him into a tight hug, maybe the same they shared when he left the mansion.  
  
« How are you doing? » the butler asked, as they pulled apart and walked back into the service, following the nurse.  
  
« I’m good, I guess. » he answered honestly. « I’m not alone here and I think I’ve made few friends in here, so that’s good. »

« Thank God! » exclaimed Junhui. « I was so worried about you, although I never came to see you until now. I’m so sorry... »

« It’s okay », he reassured, « I mean, I understand that with all the work you’re carrying on, you didn’t find the time to come here earlier. It’s okay. »  
Minghao’s lips stretched into what seemed a smile, making the butler gasp.  
  
« Wow. It’s been a long time since I saw something looking more-or less like a smile on your face. » Junhui said in disbelief.

« Well, isn’t that good then? » the heir said, feeling a little awkward by his interlocutor’s sincere words.  
  
« It is. »

  
The afternoon passed so fast for them, as they sat into Minghao’s room.  
No patients entered the room as they would usually do at this time of the day, knowing their friend would have a visit from someone important.

* * *

Days passed and their bound grew stronger.

One night, Minghao came into Jeonghan’s room, to show him about a new novel released by his favorite author and caught him in his bathroom, crying.  
This night, he hugged him. He listened to the long-haired patient - who really needed to talk - until they fell asleep, together.  
This night, he had learned a lot about his friend and the pain he was living with.  
  
He already felt very close to Jeonghan but when the morning after, the latter opened his eyes and said « Thank you », tears in his eyes; he felt something.  
  
Something special, something warm and pleasant burning in his chest. As if, something has changed in their relationship, as if a deep bound between them had been created.  
  
By this moment, Jeonghan and Minghao were almost inseparable, to the point Seungcheol started to tease them and call them the « Siamois ».  
In reality, the leader thought that it was heart-warming. He liked to think that Jeonghan had finally found someone sharing the most similar realities with him.  
  
It was refreshing to see after years of witnessing his despair and inability to eat – at first, the latter had, just like Minghao, refused to eat in the living room with the others –.  
He had been there for him years ago and he knew what was pounding in his head.  
  
In fact, he knew what was going on into everyone’s head except Mingyu, but that’s another story.

* * *

Minghao had taken the habit to snitch out of his room to join everyone in Seungcheol’s room.

He didn’t know about these meetings until one day, Seungcheol confessed him that after the curfew, all the patients would often come to his room and sit, talk, play games together.  
  
The leader suspected the nurses of knowing what was happening in his room.  
Maybe they knew, but they decided to ignore it. These meetings didn’t occur every night though and when they did, no one was forced to come.  
  
The chestnut-haired man knew something was going on tonight. That’s why he quietly left his room, his phone in his right hand.   
Most lights had been turned off, giving the corridor a gloomy atmosphere.  
Outside, some patients or doctors were talking but no one was coming there so he kept going until he heard a muffled noise.  
  
His heart stared to beat fast under his chest, and his palm started to heat, out of fear ; It could easily have been someone coming this way.  
  
After few minutes, Minghao resumed his escape, his steps quiet. As he walked, he realized where the noise came from.  
It started to get more clear as he approached the frame of the living room. Someone was breathing very heavily and Minghao could hear the distress.

Thinking it might have been Jeonghan, the young heir entered the room, lighting the little lamp on the desk.  
He scanned the room, looking for the source of the noise, but it wasn’t Jeonghan.  
  
It was Mingyu, apparently going through a panic attack.  
  
Minghao already had one so he could say what was going on.  
However, he wasn’t sure of how he should act with Mingyu. Like, the latter didn’t even like him? Would even his presence something good in his state?  
  
He couldn’t leave though, as he really wanted to help Mingyu. He could see how the latter’s eyes were fixing the floor and it almost made him cry.  
He quietly walked toward the other patient, locking his eyes on him.  
  
Mingyu curled up when he heard the sound of his footsteps, finding himself in a fetal position.  
  
“Mingyu. Can you hear me?” Minghao attempted, sitting on the floor, staying away from him.  
  
“If you can hear me, do something”

The other nodded.  
  
“Listen, you’re going to breathe, okay?” Minghao started, “Just like I say. You’re safe. You’re alive. You’re safe.”

“Breathe in deeply” he asked him to do, “Just like this” he added as he mimed.  
  
Mingyu took a moment before being able to rise his face and the young heir could see in his eyes something like surprise, before going back to the abyss of fear.  
  
The blue-haired patient mimed Minghao.  
  
“Then breathe out”

And so, Mingyu did.

“Let’s do it again, okay? Breathe in...” He started.  
  
They locked their eyes together.

 “Breathe out”

For several minutes, they did the same exercise over and over. It seemed to relax Mingyu a little, but it wasn’t enough and Minghao clearly saw it.  
“Okay. Continue to breathe like that. And think about a place you like, a nice place you’d like to go, like, right now.”  
  
Mingyu tried to concentrate on his breathing and started to think about a pleasant thing.  
Few minutes passed before he was able to speak.  
  
“...I think about a forest. A forest, and a shack.”

“Good” Minghao answered, “How does the shack look like? Could you tell me some details about it?’

“It has good carpet surprisingly and... I’m playing with my father. We’re running in the forest and-”

But then, he suddenly stopped and one single tear started to pearl out in the corner in his eyes. The heir didn’t expect this, shocked and stayed silent for a while.  
He then regained consciousness and didn’t know what to do to help Mingyu. It felt like he had done nothing but worsen his state.  
  
He thought about hugging him, as it had helped himself when he had gone through this, but he knew everyone was different and he wasn’t sure it was a good idea considering the relationship he had with the blue-haired one.  
  
“I’m sure it is a nice place, where you are happy and your father as well.”  
  
Mingyu nodded, trying not to shed more tears.  
  
Then he felt a hand gently rubbing his scalp and it weirdly calmed him down, although he knew it was Minghao’s hand.  
  
He focused on his senses : what he could smell, hear and taste. All of that coupled with the gentle gesture he received started to calm him down and the Chinese boy felt it, so he kept going.  
  
Few minutes later, Mingyu’s breathe slowed down and he guessed that the latter was slowly recovering from what happened.  
He didn’t stop though, unconsciously rubbing the other’s scalp and still bended over his frame.  
He was brought to reality when Mingyu’s head started to move. The latter sat up straight and looked at Minghao, intensively.  
  
They locked eyes for the second time this night, none of them daring to break the silence.  
It was like Mingyu was thanking him in silence, and though he was frustrated by this eventuality, he knew he didn’t have to ask that much from him right now.  
  
But then.  
  
“Thank you” Mingyu said, in a weak voice.  
  
It surprised Minghao, who jumped out of surprise.  
  
“You’re welcome, it’s nothing.” he spoke hastily.  
  
Finally, the blue-haired got up without any more look or apparent consideration for the person who had calmed him down.  
  
The chestnut-haired patient could hear fast footsteps behind him, making clear the fact that Mingyu was leaving and surely not going to Seungcheol’s room after what he had gone through.  
  
After that, he stayed a while in the room. He felt kind of empty but at the same time, happy.  
Like, he couldn’t decipher exactly why but he could feel something warm in his chest and he was glad Mingyu wasn’t in this state of distress anymore.  
  
He got up as well, and still decided to go at the secret meeting in Seungcheol’s room, his heart warm and confused…  
  
  
…Just as Mingyu’s one.  


 


End file.
